This weekend was great. I got to stay up late on Friday and sleep in on Saturday. It feels good when I don't have to go to bed at 9 & my alarm doesn't go off at 5 am. I have to work every other Saturday. So the Saturdays I don't work I like to be lazy.
Yesterday Zach & I went to the temple. Lately I have been so focused on myself. Things I want to do, things I want. All I hear in my head is me, me, me.
I've been like that for months now. I forget to be thankful. I forget to look at the little things. I always want to do more.
I've lost respect for people. I used to be so concerned about pleasing others and making sure they felt loved and welcome. But lately I can care less of what they want, need or feel. I haven't felt like myself lately. I'm in a bad mood more often and more difficult to keep happy. I didn't know why.
Yesterday, when I went to the temple things just clicked. I'm have been so focused on myself that I had forgotten about the church. I haven't been reading my scriptures every day. I remember before I got married I used to read my scriptures every night. And I couldn't go to bed without reading them. I miss that feeling.
Yesterday when I was cleaning my bookshelf I found my favorite book. " The Power Of Kindness" This book was my bible last summer. I used to read it all the time. I even highlited some of my favorite things.
After reading a paragraph of this wonderful book. I wanted to curl up in bed and never leave my house. I felt so ashamed & guilty. Now I don't bother to talk to people that I don't like . I used to be be nicer to people I didn't like. I used to make an effort to try to get along with everyone.
Sitting in the temple yesterday, I looked around. Everyone was so beautiful. Dressed in white, we all look the same. We are all beautiful. I didn't want to leave. It was so peaceful.
I'm so thankful for yesterday. It really was a great day. After the temple Carol & Walt invited us to a baptism. I love baptisms. I always get a little teary eyed even if I don't know the person. It reminds me of mine. After the ceremony was done, I was talking to Carol. She told the that the kid's parents didn't support his decision and that he was hoping his mom would surprise him and come to his baptism. I remember when I too was hoping my parents would come to mine. But they never did.
I remember all the time I would have to go to church by myself and sit in the back alone. I would dream of the day I would have a husband to come with me so I wouldn't have to be alone. And now I have a wonderful husband.
This past year has been full of opportunities for Zach. He got a job here in Logan, and I cried when we left Provo. I was miserable for the first couple of months. Then, when I was loving life in Logan, he got a job in Vegas. I had to move out of my house and move to Las Vegas. I was happy to be close to family, but I was very disappointed we had to leave a house and friends I loved. Now, he wants to move again for the summer. We have to leave our house & car behind. Fit all I can in 2 suitcases and move across the country. And what do I do every time? I complain. I need to be a better wife....
So here is a public apology for all the ones I've been rude to this past couple of months. I really didn't mean to hurt you.
Thanks for reading & have a good Sunday.
